I’m just exhausted. It’s not easy carrying a family on your back. We all have roles to play and as the single earner for my family, my current role is breadwinner or provider or whatever.
Sure, there’s a sense of pride in it just by knowing that I can do it if I have to. There are many with twice the work ethic and a fraction of the cash on deck to show for it. Not boasting, just stating the facts. How hard a person works has little to do with how much they actually earn and how well their family lives (financially).
Nonetheless, the daily pressure is heavy and time is never one of my allies. Every hour I find to dedicate to myself is a struggle. In all actuality, every spare hour I do make I would much rather spend watching a good TV show [Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, Newsroom, Veep, Colbert Report, Chopped] or asleep. Or better yet, watching TV until I fell asleep. Sweet sweet sleeps. [sigh]
The reality is that I’ve been sleeping for years. Learning, yes, but still sleeping. Sleeping on myself. Every single day I have to make a choice to stay asleep or keep writing? Sleep or keep working on me? Sleep or create another opportunity? Sleep or spread my voice? Sleep or succeed?
Every following day gets more difficult, but also brings me one day closer to that opportunity I’ve been waiting on. And on that day, I’ll know that I deserve that shot, because I invested my time in me. It’s coming. And I hope you’re watching. Because I want you to know exactly what I did to get there so you can do the same for yourself – in your own way.
In the mean time though – I’m just exhausted.