Signs of: A Tough Time in Marriage 1

This post introduces the first post of my “Signs Of:” section.  Things trend a certain direction consistently for a reason.  There are patterns that happen before a specific event occurs.  So in our “Signs Of” section we’ll be discussing certain scenarios that if are currently happing to you, you can consider it a sign.

Lord give me a sign! – [Screams DMX]

“So what you’re telling me Lord, is fuck paying for parking at the airport? Just break out that bitch and tellem’ I’m undercover if they catch me?! Thank you for that sign, Lord.” [arf!]

Marriage is marriage.

It’s not Happily Ever After regardless of how unique and divinely blessed you think yours is.  Marriage is marriage.  Happily Ever After was SOLD to you.  And anyone that is committed to both respecting/holding up their lifelong vows as well as committed the pursuit of their own happiness could easily find themselves at a crossroads over a given period of time.

It’s not unique.  It’s marriage.  That’s what it is.  A constant adjustment to the different wavelengths of another individual you swore to try to keep happy for a lifetime.  A lifetime.  Let me repeat…a lifetime.

With those attempts come similar problems.  Trust, communication, time, money, sex, freedom, encouragement, loyalty, inspiration, desire, openness, resentment, doubt, insecurities, faith, politics, etc.  So pick your poison, cause there a thousand angles of attack.

So this “Sign Of” is one of countless potentials, but one I felt should be addressed.

How your spouse reacts to your accomplishments.

All communication is done based on expected reaction.  For example, you type a business e-mail in a specific professional format, because to do otherwise [like a text message], you would expect a reaction along the lines of a mental “WTF” from the recipient.  That’s not proper etiquette in business, so your credibility as a competent business person is questioned and life instantly becomes more difficult for you.

As such, we stick w/ the norms to boost perception of ourselves to others and make life as less shitty as we possibly can.  We anticipate how they will react to our ‘professional’ face rather than our ‘informal’ or authentic one.

“A smile right? That’s what’s you were expecting, right? A Smile? Well here you FUCKING GO! Can I go take a shyt now?”

Same goes at home.  You pick and choose what information to share with your spouse based on how you believe they will react to your communication.

“I’m not even gonna ASK to go out with the fellas on Saturday, cause I KNOW she gon’ be trippin’ about it ALL WEEKEND.  I ain’t even bringing that shyt up, man…”

You may test this theory a couple of times, and when their reactions consistently match your bad expectations you eventually will choose not to share certain info because you knew exactly what their reaction will be.

When a spouse has achieved an accomplishment,  I would hope that the first person to be truly happy for them would be their spouse.  Hopefully, they’re their biggest supporter, but that’s in a perfect world where we all knew how to choose the perfect spouses for ourselves at an early age.  The world doesn’t work like that, so that’s not always the case.

If your marriage ever gets to the point where they feel they can’t or no longer want to share their accomplishments their spouse, that’s a dangerous chasm to fall into.

We all share a similar need to share our successes with other people.  We feed on both negative and positive energy.  As most tangible opportunities are born out of positive rather than negative energy, it can be devastating to the rapport of the relationship when one person feels they are unable to share that positive energy with their spouse.  Cause over time, they will end up sharing it with people that they expect the reaction to be positive in return.

It’s simply inevitable.  Gravitation toward similar states of mind.  We surround ourselves with people like us.

Hopefully your spouse is your biggest cheerleader and vice-versa.  Roles get played with and without a person’s consent.  It’s the need for human bonding.  Hopefully, in your marriage, those roles are played by the intended players, whomever you both desire them to be.

Attempt to find the peaks after the valleys…


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