I Hate Nights Like This

I’m caught between the ideas and strategies of tomorrow, the planning of events in their most efficiently possible scenarios, the labor of things needed to be done today, and the best overall execution of my plans in order to get me to my goals.

What that looks like in reality is me lying on the couch with my leg over the back of the sofa not doing shit.

Another productive evening in my house

And if I let myself think about it too long, it will soon be midnight and too late for me to finally do ANYTHING at all.  Then the guilt sets in.  Guilt for having adequately squandered the night’s opportunities away with MSNBC’s American Greed as an adequate backdrop to the night’s inactivity.

“At least they built something before going to prison,” I think to myself.

I am determined to build something.  I know exactly what I want it look like, what I want it do, what function it serves, what need it fills, and how it benefits the masses.  I know these things, and I’m still paralyzed into inactivity at time.

I want to believe we all feel like this from time to time.  And I want to believe that even though this image was taken earlier today, the fact I still got up and wrote this article is what is going to separate me from every one else still sitting on that couch.

This blog is my resumé.  This blog is peek into my life.  It’s almost perfectly imperfect.

I write for myself.  And I write for those that get it.

Nothing I had planned will be accomplished tonight, and that will have to be okay.  Shit.


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